Ashley Flores

Find Your Safe Haven

Ashley Flores
Find Your Safe Haven

Beautiful.

That's how I'll describe the afternoon I had over the weekend with the women of Femme Haven.

The brain child of Kayla Coleman, Femme Haven was created to provide a place for women to gather locally and just get real. No filters. No fluff. No crap.

Just truth.

I sat in a room full of women, most of whom were strangers before this gathering, and watched them let it all hang out. If there was any judgement, everyone kept it in there heads and allowed the atmosphere to breed positive vibes.

I don't know about each of you, but my heart needs more nights like this.

I think people sometimes look at my life via social media and assume I have a plethora of friends to turn to for girls' nights like this. Honestly, my nights are usually spent alone; well, except for when I'm binge-watching Sophia the First with my princess.

*insert all the feels*

I have a large amount of women in my corner who support me and pour into me regularly, but most of them don't live here. I appreciate their friendships to no end, but there's just something special about having women whose shoulders you can physically cry on when life just makes you go there. Aside from my sisters, I only have one or two friends who fit that description.

Moving right along...

The theme for today's discussion was "Breaking Bad". We focused on providing one another with tools to break bad habits in our finances, relationships, and overall mindset. The conversation was raw, the stories were detailed, the wine was flowing (ha!).

Yea...it was pretty fabulous.

Here are just a few tips I want to share with you, my loves.


FINANCES:

  • "Good credit" would be considered debt someone acquires that has the potential to create a return on their investment. For example, a small business loan and even some education loans. "Bad credit" is unfortunately more common and include store credit cards, and any credit on an item that depreciates in value such as a car. Focus on building your good credit if you must. 
  • When considering ways to build additional income, consider your talents. Whatever you are passionate about has the potential to become a way to gain wealth. The beautiful part is you won't even feel like it's work if you really enjoy eat. Yes, I get paid for writing. But writing has been one of my greatest ways to spend my time since elementary school so, it's not a hassle; it's a privilege. Personally, I believe discovering the best way for you to create a residual income is one of the best decisions anyone can make. It allows you to stand behind a product you enjoy, and depending on which avenue you choose, it will require very few man-hours on your part. It's literally making money in your sleep because orders are placing and customers are shopping on your site (if the company offers one) without really needing too much assistance from you. 
  • Set a budget and stick to it! If you're single, or your spouse is just as bad at budgeting as you are, this may mean taking a class on budgeting or getting a friend to help you plan each month. I use Mint.com to help me stay on budget. I'm not perfect at it, but it helps a lot!
  • Don't worry about not being the first person to create a new outlet for your desired field. All of the top companies in any industry have competition that have the same level, or similar level of success in their ares. That's because someone made the decision to not let someone else's success stop them from going after their own dream. Point...Nike and Adidas. (Thanks for that mental pic, Kayla.)
  • Build your savings account. Even if it's just to add $5 a month. If you've never been good at saving before, start small and build your way up. Someone even recommended having your savings account at a separate bank, maybe a credit union, so you're less likely to dip into it. GENIUS idea! Ideally, you should have about 6 months worth of expenses in your savings account at all times. 

RELATIONSHIPS: 

  • STOP comparing yourself to someone's life as it appears on social media; just stop it! We all know that someone's social media feeds are usually the highlights of their life. Smiles. Laughs. Victories. We all need to have the tunnel vision required to stay in our own lane. 
  • Accountability is the best thing you will ever have in life! You need a tribe behind you. Even if it's just two or three people. Pray to God for women who are positive, and focused, and have your best interest at heart to be in your corner. We all need someone to cheer us on, call us out when we've wandered off the path. But don't let their absence stop your flow. Until the Father brings those women into your life, celebrate your own victories and, as I said yesterday, "fist bump ya dang self!" (...I may or not have said something other than "dang", but y'all get the idea).
  • Appreciate the beauty of the season you are currently in. Paying too much attention to what the woman ahead of you already has, can not only slow down your process of reaching the next level God is trying to get you to but it also has the potential stop you from noticing the woman behind you who still needs guidance to get where you are. 
  • When in a romantic relationship, always be exactly who you are from jump. Don't try to hide "your crazy". The person who is for you will love all of your crazy and is somewhere praying you can love "their crazy" too. 
  • You have to set boundaries in regards to your personal time. All of your time is valuable. Being able to tell people "no" is very important. It may be hard to do in the beginning, and may cause several relationships to break off. But you can't be the best version of yourself if you're constantly allowing people to drain from you, but no one is pouring back into you. 

MINDSET:

  • Put yourself in environments that bring you peace instead of happiness. Happiness is a temporary emotion, and peace will outlast happiness every time. 
  • Be strategic when it comes to executing your goals. Take it day by day, step by step. 
  • Be selfish with your time and your energy. 
  • Read! You know...like a book...with words in it. There is a book on everything these days. And as much as I love you guys reading my blog, sometimes my posts are just the appetizer to a revelation God has waiting for you within the pages of someone else's lyrical masterpiece. Not sure what to read? Leave what you need help with in the comments below so, we can all chime in and make some recommendations for you. 

The birth of Femme Haven started out as a warm burst of energy in someone's heart. What's that one idea that keeps burning in your spirit that you've been hesitant to put into action? It doesn't have to stay a dream. 

Find your haven, your safe place to be yourself and spread your wings. 

I'm praying for you. 

 

 

xoxo, 

Ashley Danielle